Into Silence
by ForeverLilacLies
Summary: “You loved my dad.” Negan nearly crashed at this, glancing at the kid before righting himself and getting the truck back into control. He could be blase about it all. He could play it off. Carl was staring at him with a far too serious glare on his face. Negan found that he couldn’t lie. Not about that. “Yeah...I really did.” Negan would not look at him, eyes resolutely kept on t


All was quiet.

It took several days for Negan to find him. Several days of driving while avoiding being detected by any guard or scavenger. If he was found out, he would most likely be detained and Negan was no having that. He hid his truck far enough from the settlement to avoid it being found and waited until nightfall to sneak past the gates, just as one guard was rotating his shift with another. It took him several minutes to find the building and steal the keys left hanging on the wall. It was so damned quiet here.

There were no guards in here. It made things much easier. It seemed that a lot of things were currently out of whack, and Negan was ready to take advantage of that. He took the keys and his pistol and walked towards his destination.

It was errier how similar and how differently the cells in the Commonweath were compared to Alexandria's one man jail. The good people of the Commonwealth had wasted no time in ensuring a safe but reliable building for their condemned. There were no guards in the building and Negan wondered why that was. Did they doubt that their prisoners could escape or did they not care? He didn't stay long to find out. He had a job to do.

The doors were sturdy and the stairs did not creak. It gave the prisoners no warning of who was coming for them. Back in Alexandria he had memorized footsteps by who was coming down.

Negan had always loved surprises.

"So you're the guy." Negan hummed as he settled into the fold out chair across from Sebastian. It was eerie sitting on the other side of the cage, but Negan wasn't complaining. Sebastian had been startled from his sleep, sitting up and staring at Negan who waved cheerily at him.

"Who...who are you?" The kid asked, drawing back defensively. Negan chuckled and leaned forward so his arms rested on his thighs. He was relaxed and in his element.

"My name's Negan. You might have heard of me." He winked once, watching as Sebastian blinked owlishly before realization slowly dawned on him.

"You're the guy who...shit." He breathed, taking a step back and closer to the corner of the cell.

"I see I've got a fuckin' reputation here," Negan laughed, shaking his head. "Guess you've all been warned about little old me." The kid offered no reply, still watching Negan with narrowed suspicious eyes.

"Heard you offed Prick." Negan casually fiddled with a loose strand of fabric on his shirt. Sebastian was silent for a moment so Negan looked up, fixing him with a long stare until he finally offered a weak nod.

"Uh, yeah...I did." Sebastian replied slowly, still uncertain. Negan's eyes were shining with an almost primal excitement. It both frightened and fascinated Sebastian.

"What's your name?" Negan asked.

"Sebastian." Sebastian slowly got out of the bed, still keeping a distance from the bars.

"Always good to have a name to the face. Sebastian ." Negan rolled the name on his tongue and Sebastian shifted, uncertainly.

"So how'd you do it?" Negan grinned at the kid, smile wide and teeth wolfish. Sebastian's mouth clamped shut and Negan sighed, leaning back into his seat. "Come onkid, I tried killing that little fucker and never even came close. You my friend managed it in one shot." He watched as the kid still watched him in suspicion. "I'm impressed. Rick was always a fuckin' asshole. Took my fuckin' people from me and had me locked up. I wanted to kill him and never got the shot. I wanted him to feel as worthless and powerless as he made me feel. You get that though right? Rick Grimes strolls in and takes over like it's fuckin' owed to him? As if he owned your group. All your hard work for nothing."

Sebastian's jaw clenched and he nodded once. Negan grinned. "And you did something about him, didn't you?" Again, Sebastian nodded and Negan spread his arms. "And that's why I'm here. I wanted to meet the tough motherfucker who managed to finally fuckin' put Rick the Prick in the dirt. So, throw me a bone. What did it take to kill that son of a bitch?"

"I shot him." Sebastian seemed bolstered by Negan's approval.

"Once?" Negan prompted, leaning closer like a little kid being told a great story. Sebastian settled on his bed, far more relaxed now and Negan could see a shadow of a smirk at the corner of his mouth.

"No, four times in the chest."

Negan whistled. "Wish I had been there for that . Was it slow?" He watched the kid blink and Negan sighed. "Did he die quickly?"

"Not really. He was asleep when I went to him and woke him up. The first one took him by surprise but he was still moving and speaking. I knew if I left then he'd make it, even with the chest shot, he'd somehow make it. So I shot three more times. I think the third or fourth shot is what killed him, but I didn't stay to find out."

"Damn Sebastian , color me fuckin' impressed." He looked over the cell. "And they didn't fuckin' kill you for killing him?" Sebastian walked forward and leaned against the bars, arms resting on the steel barrier.

"No, the kid...Carl wanted me to live so I could waste away.." Sebastian looked away bitterly. "Wants me to rot in here while he watches."

"Like father, like son." Negan replied with sympathy. "Tough break kid, but at least you've got some braggin' rights." Sebastian did smile at this, looking proud of himself. He had done what so many had failed to do.

"I guess. Wish more people saw Rick the way you did."

"Oh trust me, they did." Negan hummed. "Although, I think my own option of Rick went a little further, if you know what I mean." He winked at the kid who sighed.

"Yeah, I get it." He watched Negan approach the cell, stretching his arm out and releasing a sigh in relief, his dark eyes settled on Sebastian and there was something in them that left Sebastian feeling cold.

"No, I really don't think you get it at all, Sebastian ."

"What-" There was a flash of silver and searing pain spread up Sebastian's arm. He was so shocked he couldn't even scream. A ragged gasp escaped his lips as he stared at the stump where his hand used to be. Negan hummed, stepping back.

"Rick's hand was chopped off by some asshole. He still managed to kick ass with one hand. And let me tell you, my boy had some delicate lady fingers." Negan waggled his own thick fingers. Sebastian gaped and Negan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Sebastian fell to his knees, little pained sounds escaping him as he looked toward his severed hand.

"Now what else...ah yeah...I broke his leg. Fucked it all up. Crippled him for life and to be honest, I am ashamed of myself." Negan shook his head. "Made moving pretty hard for him. Probably made it easier for you to corner him, huh?" He looked back to Sebastian who looked pallid, holding his bloody stump against his chest. Blood coated the front of his shirt and down his pants, spreading around him in a sickening crimson puddle. Negan took the key he had stolen and Sebastian's eyes widened in realization.

"No!" He cried out as Negan pushed the door open and attempted to back away and Negan yanked him forward as hard as he could, no doubt jarring the little shit.

"Might as well face this like you have a set. You kill a man when he's alone and vulnerable like some sort of pussy. I might as well even out the field for you." Negan knelt down to Sebastian's level while the younger man gaped at him. The sound of Sebastian's leg breaking was music to Negan's ears, and the pain scream that followed had him chuckling, licking his lips. He dropped Sebastian who scooted pathetically across the blood soaked floor, curling into himself.

"You know something, Seb. I can call you Seb, right? Stop fuckin' screaming," Negan shoved Sebastian causing waves of white hot pain to spread through his knee. He groaned, voice caught in his throat. "I always had a soft spot for Rick. Even when he ninja sliced my jugular, I had respect. That was a man who despite all this bullshit, still cared about people. Still had his humanity when nearly everyone else had lost theirs. Sure, I was pissed about being booted off my throne, but Rick…" Negan licked hips lips, eyes suddenly far away. "Rick was what the people needed. He was...he was good ." His eyes slowly moved back to Sebastian. The mirth and casualness was gone, the loss was gone and now there was something sinister in those dark eyes. Sebastian blinked slowly, arm spasming.

"And what right did some privileged, spoiled little shit that was still shoved so far up his mother's cunt that she might as well still be pregnant have to kill him? What fucking right did you have to even look at him like you were his mother fucking equal? You and your mommy hid away and let other people fight your battles. You are nothing. What right did you have to end Rick Grimes' life? You left him for his boy to find and put down and I think that's the worst part of it. You couldn't even do the right thing and let Rick die as himself."

Negan stood slowly, his knees drenched with blood. He tossed the knife aside as he studied his work. He knew Sebastian's scream would have woken someone and eventually the cell would be flooded with people. He wondered if anyone would lift a finger to help him.

"I want you to know this," He spoke casually over the pained noises escaping Sebastian. "Now listen carefully because this is important. Rick Grimes was a better man than you. Rick Grimes deserved to live. I want you to think about that. I want you to think about what brought you here, today." He almost wanted to stay and watch Sebastian suffer, but Negan had plans. Plans he did not plan on missing. He tipped his head to Sebastian, offering a half hearted salute.

"Thanks for the story, asshole. Hopefully someone finds you before you bleed out." Negan turned on his heel and left, gently closing the cell door behind him and listening with a small smile as Sebastain wailed in pain. He had considered delivering those four shots back to Sebastian, but that would be far too loud and Negan had no intention of letting the Commonwealth find him. He had important things he needed to do.

A week earlier, Negan head dreamed of Rick. Which wasn't unusual, but this one was different. Usually, Negan's dreams with Rick were very...naked. He had dreamt of himself fucking Rick on so many creative positions. It wasn't as good as the real thing, but Negan knew it was all he was ever going to get, so he immensely enjoyed those dreams. Particularly when his Lucille would appear in them, offering encouragement or even joining him in his quest to dominate Rick Grimes.

That night, however Rick did not appear naked or bend over some counter. Instead he sat on the foot of Negan's bed.

"Ricky," Negn crooned. "You're on the wrong side of the bed. He reached for the younger man who watched him with somber eyes. His skin was cold as Negan's finger grazed his arm. "Shit honey, come here and let me warm you up."

"Negan," Rick spoke and Negan slowly sat up, frowning.

"Rick, you okay baby?" Negan heard a bang and Rick blinked once, suddenly a great burst of blood poured down his jaw. Negan scrambled forward, falling over his sheets to reach Rick who slumped back.

"Negan." He gargled. "What have you...what have you done?" Negan couldn't find an answer. Watching blood spread across Rick's shirt as if he had been shot. He pressed a hand against the wound, attempting to shield the younger man.

"Rick! Rick hold on!" Negan looked around frantically for the shooter and all at once he heard gunshots in his head.

**Bang.**

**Bang.**

**Bang ****!**

Rick's body jerked with each shot and Negan screamed, unable to find where the shooter was coming from or how they were hitting Rick. "Fuck, Rick come on stay with me." Negan knew it was pointless. The horrible gurgling from Rick's throat had ceased and he was now staring up at the ceiling with a faraway gaze. "Rick…?" Negan's voice wavered. "Hey, come on. Stop fuckin' around…" Rick offered no response and the silence that followed was deafening.

When Negan woke up the next morning, he wept.

Negan hadn't wanted to believe it when he first heard the horrible truth. It had sounded like some twisted joke. He had spotted the caravan traveling slowly towards Alexandria from the woods while had been hunting. He had stayed back out of sight, not recognizing anyone until he saw Carl. Even at the distance, Carl looked beaten down. His shoulders were slumped and his face wan. There had been a moment of excitement. For where there was Carl Grimes there was surely a Rick Grimes close behind. Negan shifted his weight, staying hidden behind the trees as his eyes darted over the somber looking group.

The woods had been his hunting grounds for weeks, with his cabin stocked full of gear. The freedom he felt had been more enticing than when he had been the big man on top. He spotted Michonne and a younger girl in the crowd, but no Rick. He waited to see that scruffy little face, those pretty eyes. Waited to hear his voice after son long. He considered popping out on his boy, giving him a little scare, but thought against it. He'd just stay and look at his boy from where he was hidden.

Then he saw the casket.

It didn't click at first. People died everyday. He didn't believe it could be him in there. Why should he? That casket could have been holding anyone. There was no reason to believe that Rick Grimes was in there. Last Negan had heard, he was with a group called the Commonwealth. He was still probably there. The casket was for someone else. Rick was fine . Still, he could not tear his eyes away from it as it moved up the road.

"Pull yourself together, Negan. It's not him." The former Savior quietly hissed to himself. Rick was fine. Rick was alive . That night, he turned on his radio for the first time in weeks and listened. There was correspondence between the communities, talk of trade routes and plans to divert groups of walkers. It took him two days to find the channel he was looking for. Alexandria's direct communication with the Commonweath. So Negan waited. Waited to hear Rick Grimes' pretty southern drawn come over the radio. He heard Michonne. He even heard Maggie as well as a couple other people. It was bland talk.

**"How's Carl doing?" **Maggie's voice spoke through the radio late one evening as it rained outside. There was a crackle before Michonne's voice spoke up.

**"He's doing okay. He's planning to head back your way tomorrow afternoon. Everything good your side?"**

**"I only just got back, but the place is still standing." **There was a small, half hearted chuckle at this.

**"You doing alright?" **Michonne asked, voice barely audible over the static.

**"I...I've had better days. How about you?" **Negan heard Michonne sigh.

**"Just doesn't feel right, you know. Keep expecting him to walk through the door and tell me we're gonna go save babies or something." **Negan's heart seemed to stop for a spilt second.

**"Sounds like something he would do."**

**"He literally did it though. We were out scavengin' and he found a little baby robin out of its nest. Stopped so he could find the nest and put it back. Wasted over an hour getting that bird back home." **Michonne released a small laugh at this and it sounded teary.

**"Rick always did have a soft spot for kids." **Maggie replied softly.

**"Still can't wrap my mind around it. He deserved better than to be shot in his bed." **

**"The fact that Carl had to…" **Maggie trailed off, voice suddenly hoarse.

**"Wish I could have done something."**

**"We all do. All we can do now is be there for Carl. It's what Rick would have wanted."**

Negan didn't hear the rest. He shut off the radio with trembling fingers. A dull roaring filled his ears and he couldn't breathe. He sank to his knees, idly wondering who was screaming. Wondered why it had gotten so loud. Wondered how his life could ever hope to continue when Rick's had ended.

When he managed to get ahold of himself, he decided that he needed to do something. The ache had turned into a blinding white hot rage. There was someone out there. Someone who had hurt Rick. Who had taken him away from this world. They had no name and they had no face, but Negan knew what he needed to do. For the first time since he had led the Saviors, Negan found that darkness within him. He hoped Sebastian Milton never forgot his name.

Carl found him a day later.

Negan always knew that kid was crafty. He knew if anyone would find him, it would be Carl Motherfucking Grimes. Negan was halfway to Alexandria when he spotted Carl standing in the middle of the street, facing his truck and waiting as if he knew that Negan would come by. Negan sighed, rubbing his eyes and pulling onto the side of the road. Carl did not move as Negan approached him. He held Michonne's katana in a tight knuckled grip, staring at Negan like he was shit under his boot. Negan cursed under his breath and shifted from one foot to the other. He wondered how the boy had managed to sneak the sword out of Michonne's sight.

"Kid, come on. You know he deserved it." He attempted to defend himself as he finally reached the boy.

"Doesn't matter what he deserved. It wasn't your place to do anything." Carl replied, his one eye narrowed on the former Savior.

"Don't tell me you didn't want to hack the asshole up a bit." Negan crossed his arms over his chest, defensively. Overhead birds chirped and flew by, the wind rustled through the trees almost as if life continued.

"That doesn't fucking matter. He was supposed to stay alive. Now he's fucking free." Negan blinked in confusion and Carl bared his teeth.

"Kid…"

"He died Negan. Bled out before we could do anything." Carl's voice was devoid of emotion. Negan's heart sank. He didn't care that the asshole was dead, he cared that Carl was upset. Carl seemed to read Negan's mind because he snorted. "I don't give a fuck about him. I care about my dad. My dad would have wanted him to live. I wanted him to live so he could see that no one cared about him. Rick was my dad. What right did you have to kill Sebastian. What right did you have to take that away from me."

"I didn't wan-" Negan began and Carl lunged forward a step, eye crazed and blown wide.

" **Bullshit! **It's all you fucking know! You take and you take and you don't give a shit about anyone else! Did you do it because you were pissed you missed your shot? Because someone beat you to it?" Carl's breath shook with rage. "You had no fucking right to get involved! I had it under control."

"I don't think you did, kid." Negan retorted without thinking, knowing it was stupid to say. "I think you're overreac-" Carl released an agonized cry and lunged forward and Negan could not react in time before Carl drove the katana through his side. Negan gasped in pain, knees nearly buckling and Carl fell back, looking aghast.

"Negan…" He croaked, hands shaking as he stared at the man.

"Shit kid," Negan released a pained breath, hand gripping at the katana as he managed to glance up at Carl. "I didn't mean anything by it." He sank to his knees and Carl went down with him, suddenly looking his age. It hadn't hit anything vital, but it hurt like a motherfucker. Negan hissed as he pulled it out, ignoring the kid's attempts to stop him. Carl shrugged off the flannel shirt he was wearing and handed it to Negan who pressed it against the wound with a pained hiss.

"Fuck," He heard Carl curse. "I...I shouldn't have done that." He sounded so uncertain.

"Maybe, but can't say it was...it was my best idea to egg you on." Negan winced, gritting his teeth.

"Where were you going?" Carl asked dully, still shocked by his actions.

"Was on my way to pay my respects to your hot as shit, daddy." Negan replied, wincing as he lifted the shirt to inspect the stab wound. It was far enough on his side that Negan doubted he was in any real danger, blood soaked down his skin. He heard Carl mumble something, trying to get a peek.

"Kid, look at me. It's a scratch. I'll be fine." Carl's eye tore from the wound to look at Negan who grinned.It was much more than a simple scratch, but it wasn't fatal. Negan knew it could be patched up, and yeah, maybe he deserved to be stabbed for fucking Carl over the way he had. "Always said you were a tough motherfucker."

Carl laughed weakly at this, still deeply shaken. Negan glanced back to the truck. "I can drive." Carl offered, helping Negan to his feet and Negan waved him off.

"Nah, I'm fine. I'll drive you back, though." He glanced at the sky which was just beginning to darken. Funny how life went on when Rick Grimes didn't.

It should have been odd. The way Carl had gone from stabbing him to offering him help. It just felt normal to Negan. Negan wondered what the repercussions were for Sebastian's death, but in all honesty he didn't care. The little asshole didn't deserve to keep breathing after stealing that right from Rick.

The two settled into the truck and Negan adjusted the shirt against his side, starting the engine. If Carl had an opinion on the bouquet of sunflowers Negan had beside him, it didn't comment on it. It was several minutes into the drive that Carl spoke again.

"You loved my dad." Negan nearly crashed at this, glancing at the kid before righting himself and getting the truck back into control. He could be blase about it all. He could play it off. Carl was staring at him with a far too serious glare on his face.

Negan found that he couldn't lie. Not about that.

"Yeah...I really did." Negan would not look at him, eyes resolutely kept on the dirt road. It was silent for a long moment and for that, Negan was grateful.

"My dad cared about you." Carl finally spoke up and Negan closed his eyes, not wanting to get into it.

"You don't have to lie-"

"I'm not lying." Carl snapped. "He might not have been able to be open with you after everything, but he cared about you. He knew you were trying to be a better person. I think he really wanted that for you."

Negan's eyes stung and he blinked, still refusing to look at the kid. "You think?" If his voice wavered, neither of them mentioned it.

"He would be disappointed that you killed Sebastian." Carl fixed him with a stern glare. The 'Grimes' glare.

"I don't doubt that for a second." Negan managed a small chuckle, wincing in pain.

"Sorry." He heard the kid mumble and he turned his head, offering the kid his famous grin.

"Can't say I didn't deserve it." He replied and slowly, Carl smiled at this as if reluctant to be rid of his badass persona. There was so much of Rick Grimes in that smile that it hurt Negan's throat.

Neither of them mentioned Sebastian again.

They made it to the border of Alexandria by nightfall. Negan parked the truck along the treeline, shutting the engine down and closing his eyes as he released a small sigh. Carl watched him in concern, eye darting to the bloody spot on Negan's side. The blood had dried and stuck to Negan's shirt, making him uncomfortable. It stung like a son of a bitch leaving him no doubt that he was going to need stitches.

They walked silently through the woods, keeping an ear open for any stray walkers. Negan found a patch of Forget Me Nots scattered through the woods and he picked a bunch of them, picking out any leaves that had fallen in before tucking them into the sunflower bouquet. Carl watched him with something akin to sadness.

"You getting any help?" Negan asked and Carl nodded, swatting a mosquito out of his face.

"Yeah, Michonne and the others have been great. I'm...I'm lucky to have them." Negan nodded, relieved that the kid had a good support system.

"We can get you looked at." Carl offered as the approached the gates. Negan didn't recognize the guard who waved them in, nodding to Carl in respect. They held their guns steady, telling Carl that a group of walkers had been spotted in the outskirts of the community and there was a group out there to thin the herd. Negan didn't pay attention to this, barely listening as Carl gave more instructions to the guard.

"You coming?" Carl turned back to Negan. His eye was bloodshot and there were prominent shadows beneathe them. The kid was exhausted. He needed a break.

"Nah, you go ahead. I wanna...I wanna see your dad." Negan shuffled and Carl watched him closely.

"You remember where the cemetery is?" He asked and Negan nodded indicating down the street.

"Yeah." Carl nodded at this, stepping back.

"We'll discuss Sebastian in the morning." Negan knew he wouldn't just let it go, but he appreciated the reprieve nonetheless. The radio at Carl's hip buzzed with a voice speaking of approaching walkers getting close to the southern gates. Carl answered it, mumbling something in response. Negan looked ahead towards the cemetery.

"Okay...well...good night...I'm staying with Sophia tonight...you can stay at our old place…" Negan knew Carl was not going to step foot in that house. Neither was Negan.

"Hey, Carl." Negan called and the boy turned to him. "Your dad was a good man and he loved you...more than anything. He was always proud of you. You could tell just by looking at him."

Carl turned away, hand clenching the gun at his side. "I know." He walked away, shoulders slumped and looking far too old and far too young to be in his position. Another loss that the kid would carry.

Negan heard distant gunshots as walkers on the outside were dealt with. Silence would follow those shots and Negan found he liked that silence. No one was around as he trudged up the street. It was late. They were all safe and sleeping. Negan found Rick's grave, sitting beside Andrea's, just as he would have wanted. It was almost picture perfect. There were flowers spread out across it. Negan wondered if Rick liked flowers. He had never gotten the chance to ask. He would never have that chance now. He slumped down beside the grave. Cicadas buzzed and he could hear frogs and crickets.

"Hey Prick," He greeted, hissing in pain, fingers lightly brushing over the daisies that had been laid out. "Sorry I missed you." He placed down the Forget Me Nots, gently spreading them across Rick's grave and laid the sunflowers down over the still freshly dug earth. "Can't believe you're gone. Doesn't seem right." Negan mused, large fingers gently glided over the cross over Rick's grave, as gentle as a lover as they brushed Rick's name. He wondered if Rick had even been religious. He hoped in that moment, that there was something waiting on the other side.

"I don't think I'm gonna ever be goin' to the same place you and Lucille are, but if I do, I hope you'll wanna see me." He could imagine Lucille and Rick meeting. Lucille would have liked Rick. Would have found his drawl sweet and his doe eyes pretty. "I hope you're okay, now." He hoped Rick was whole again and found Andrea and maybe his first wife, and that baby who had been lost before her life had even truly begun. Carl had spoken of her while visiting his cell, voice somber as he remembered his lost little sister. Negan hoped Rick found all of them.

"Wish I could have been there, Rick." Negan mused. "Wish I could have saved you one last time." He rested his head against the cross.

"Your boy shived my ass," He muttered, still deeply awed and impressed. "Gotta remember to stop fuckin' with him so much." He idly played with one of the flowers. "I'm...I'm glad they have you in a casket at least. Don't think I coulda' handled the thought of you in a sheet…" He sniffed, eyes and throat stinging. "You should have lived , Rick." But he hadn't and that was something Negan was going to have to accept.

"You don't have to worry about your boy, he's a strong one. He'll be okay someday." He looked at the sky, taking in the vast expanse of stars that seemed brighter now than they ever had before. He wondered where Lucille was in that mass of stars and where Rick was. His eyes sparkled. "I'll be okay, too."

A gunshot rang out in the quiet night air, silencing the cicadas and frogs for a brief second, and all was still.

All was quiet.


End file.
